myfairlady

After looking at this picture it’s got me in a funk, i want love.

I’m often stuck alone and awake until three in the morning and if you don’t experience that often you wouldn’t understand what that begins to do to somebody’s head. As i’m laying in bed for the one, two, three some hours you couldn’t imagine all of the things that cross my mind. School, music, my future, what i’m having for dinner a week from then and the one thing that never fails to escape my mind week after week is how i’m always single. I’m nineteen years old and depending on what you consider a relationship to be i may or may not have been in one. I was sixteen when i had my first “boyfriend” we dated for two months and that was it. I’ve never had a winter love, no one’s ever taken me on a date to the fair to have cotton candy or ride the ferris wheel and i’ve definitely never had a valentine. I can’t help myself but to think that there is something wrong or that i’m doing something wrong at least. But in the end it always comes down to “settling”, which is something i don’t want to do. I don’t want to settle for something less then i deserve, i know what i want i’m just waiting for it to come around. I’ve been close to love once before with a guy i was with off and on for the past four years. We met my freshman year of high school when he was a junior. It was perfect, that was until everything fell apart. He’d leave unexpectedly, return when it was convenient for him but never once did he make “us” official. After being mind fucked for the next three and a half years i told myself it was over. I seemed to end something that was never really there to begin with. Not exactly unexpectedly we started talking again late August, right before I left for school. We talked every night, texted all day and he finally told me he loved me. Afterwards things started to spiral downhill. We were fighting everyday, saying things we knew we’d later regret and eventually we both lost hope. I’m not sure if we were actually in love or if we were just in love with the thought of being in love. I’ll never really know until i find love again.

Advice to anyone who reads this, get out early if you’re not sure about things, if you have doubts.

But hold on with everything you’ve got if you believe it is real.

Always love as if it will be your last. 

(Source: weheartit.com, via )